There is no better way to escape the wannabe urban disaster that is Vegas than visiting a Bangkok whorehouse full of cheap and tireless ladyboys. Since Thailand isn't exactly within driving distance, and my truck hasn't been jerry-rigged by Cubans for an ocean-crossing journey, I had to settle for the close-second of camping in the tranquil ponderosa forest of northern California. Besides, pine trees offer a much lower infection rate of The Clap than an Asian hooker, though getting the sap off your dick is just as tricky.

On Thursday, after loading up the truck with beer, camera, dog and new tent (the last one was destroyed in my second-to-last trip), Rei and I headed out for a twelve hour night drive through the desert. Tonapah, Beatty, Goldfield... They all kind of look the same at night. Considering those three towns have a combined population of 2, they're easy to miss, except Beatty has some gas station combined with a candy store, Death Valley Nut & Candy Co., with long row after row of yummy sweet goodness. I found a half-pound of dark chocolate pecan caramel clusters for $5, which are best described as an orgasm on your tongue without the salty mess.

After Reno, it's three and one-half hours further to Modoc Co. California, our destination.

Though I normally suffer through cold water showers, or none at all, while camping, we discovered we could pay $5 a day to use the hot water showers at a rarely used tent & RV campground about ten miles from my land. I love the serenity of the outdoors and tent camping, but there's nothing wrong with driving a few miles to take a hot shower. It was worth it.

The tent was hella big compared to my old one. At 12x10 feet, it has enough floorspace to sleep a basketball team, and is tall enough for me to easily stand upright while balancing an apple on my head. (Basketball players would likely have to stoop, still.) Like my last tent, though, it has huge mesh 'windows' on all sides, plus the top. While there is a rain fly to cover them in case of, well.....rain, the open view comes in handy for star gazing, day dreaming, locating the damned woodpeckers in the tree next to you who pause in their loud calling to one another only long enough to rap on the tree trunk in that short, rapid, sleep-ending pecking that they seem eager to do.

After resting and hiking around a bit Friday, we headed in to town (Alturas) to eat at my favorite grubbing spot there, Black Bear Diner. (If you want to try it without leaving the valley, there is one on Tropicana ,near Jones.) The portions there are pretty big & the food is always delicious. This particular day, I pulled out my PDA to jot down a note, when I discovered open Wi-Fi! Who'da thunk it? Apparently the two motels on either side of the restaurant both provide Air2Data wireless broadband for their guest, but they don't hide or encrypt the signal. Whoo ha! So my phone doesn't work there but I have WiFi. Awesome. I love checking email, reading MySpace, random Google searches during breakfast.

I've been to Alturas to visit my land a half-dozen times or so since I bought it about four years ago, but never made it up during any kind of event.... Like the annual balloon festival or migratory bird festival (both happening Sept 17 & 18 this year), or the Modoc District Fair, which happened to be occurring this weekend! I didn't plan it that way; didn't find about the fair until the day I left Vegas. I was excited to finally get the chance to 'experience' the place, instead of driving through it. So on Saturday, we drove through the South Warners via Hwy 299, over Cedar Pass, to Cedarville, a quaint & tiny town on the eastern edge of the county. After locating the fairgrounds-- not hard to do in a town with two streets-- I parked the truck and Rei leashed up the dog, only to be turned away at the gate, being told, "No dogs." I unsuccessfully tried to convince them he was actually a sheep, participating in the evening's livestock show and that they would be held responsible if he was disqualified for being late for check-in. Apparently Adonis is an unconvincing miniature grey-haired sheep, since we weren't allowed to enter. Instead, we posed for a photo at the sign near the entrance.

Instead of watching the dancing bear, demolition derby, poultry show and, yes, sheep show, we headed back to the tent to do more exploring in the forest, napping, avoiding of mosquitoes and installing my new camp shower stone. (Free, courtesy of forgetful cashier at Wal-Mart's garden center who, despite my twice reminding him, failed to charge me for it.)

Finally, I wrote a much-delayed letter to my Uncle, with whom I regularly correspond about matters familial, philosophical and historical. His latest epistle was pining for the days when 16 year old boys cavorted willingly with older men. My response was dismissive of Plato's 'philosopher king', expressed regret at the world's severe overpopulation, as well as annoyance for a certain pair of red-headed woodpeckers.

We were off to sleep early, to wake at 730 for the long drive back to Las Vegas, from where I now write.