When you're a kid, until the day after your 21st birthday, really, birthdays are greeted with gleeful expectation. The joy of turning another year older, and the toys, presents, and money that you are rewarded for simply staying alive, make a birthday worth looking forward to.

Unfortunately, I am nearing the first of the major black birthdays. If that's not an actual term, then it should be-- and I've just coined it.

In 72 days, I will turn 30. I supposed I'm actually 30 already, since I was conceived about 290 days before I exited the womb. In any case, it will be the 30th anniversary of my last vaginal experience.

Since I'm not really looking forward to leaving my 20's behind, but I don't want to die to avoid it, I want to have a party or fun celebration of some sort. Reimon has told me I should not ask anyone to take on the burden of planning it for me-- which I think is just his way of getting out of any contribution to it-- so I will be organizing it myself.

However, I am not a good party planner, probably because I am not a good partyer. In an effort, then, to create an event to which people might actually care to come, I need your input.

So-- what should I do for my 30th birthday?